Epic Fail

Dear No One in Particular,

I arrived rather late to the "AmazonFail" party. I spent most of Easter Sunday either completely unconscious or feverishly delirious. When I became lucid enough to actually read up on the scandal, there were still few facts and a whole lot of theories floating about on the Twitterverse.

For those still unaware, news broke this weekend that online bookstore behemoth Amazon.com was systematically pulling the sales rank numbers from gay and lesbian books, labelling them "adult", thus excluding them from searches and best seller lists. The ramifications of such an action are massive. First of all, labelling such material as "adult" is patently ridiculous, especially since vibrators are available with sales ranks intact. How is a butt plug less "adult" than Ellen Degeneres's biography? Second, due to the massive stripping of sales ranks, when you enter "homosexuality" into Amazon's search engine, the first title that pops up is "A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality"*. I'm not linking to that mess, but as of 7:53 pm Hawaii Time on Monday, 13 April, it was still the #1 spot.

I can't begin to express my rage and bitter sadness. I can do what Amazon claimed they were doing and think of the children. The tortured, scared queer youth who desperately want help coming out to their friends and family that click onto Amazon to find some literature and instead of finding something empowering, like the The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students, they're bombarded with homophobic tripe. That won't just send people back into the closet, it sets them up for a lifetime of depression and intense self-loathing.

This goes beyond Amazon trying to make a statement about homosexuality -- some books, such as Full Frontal Feminism and Chelsea Handler's memoirs don't quite fit the anti-gay purge -- which fits the original excuse offered by Amazon: that this is nothing more than a "glitch". But this fails to address the fact that author Craig Seymour's books were stripped of their sales ranks in FEBRUARY. This is not a weekend "oopsies", like Amazon would have us believe. There's something systematic about this, and it feels slightly sinister.

Amazon controls a LOT of data. They sell more than just books; they're becoming more and more of a lifestyle company: selling you stuff from conception to coffin, and everything in between. I don't believe that this is part of a grand scheme to bring an end to homosexuality (*snort*), but rather, a powerful, persistent push to further the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) and devastating homophobia that pervades societies world wide. And that is incredibly damaging.

Normally, I would give Amazon the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, they control a ton and a half of data: cataloging errors, as they later labelled the issue, are expected, and are expected to wreak utter havoc with the system. But again: this is not the work of a single, slightly inept man in France who mislabelled something during a long weekend. This has been going on for months. And I have no patience for Amazon's shady side-stepping and complete inability to apologize. Their PR department totally mucked this up, making it seem like the company really was up to something nasty, and the hesitation on Amazon's part was more than enough to send the rumour mills a-turning.
Really, I would have given them the benefit of the doubt if it weren't for the fact that Seymour's books were stripped months ago. That, coupled with the non-responses issued by various representatives and total lack of a formal apology, was enough for me to boycott Amazon.

This is a little painful on my end, since I've been a loyal Amazon customer for years. I've purchased many a textbook from them, and I buy at least one Kindlebook every two weeks. Hell, I've even bought lip balm and music through Amazon. I know it's folly to think that my tiny contribution to their bottom line will hurt them, but I can't give my money to a company I can't trust. I'm heading to my local library and independent used bookstores.

Now. If anyone knows how to get e-books for the Kindle without going through Amazon: I'll send you cupcakes and/or brownies. Seriously. The Kindle changed the way I read books, and I almost flipped when I realised that I'd have to tote around a 600 page hardback.

--amanda



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*Let me answer this oh so pressing issue of how parents can prevent homosexuality: don't breed, you homophobic hate-mongers. You're welcome. You may now send me the money you would have spent on the book. Spoiler alert: I'll donate that money to a local LGBT advocacy group!

Mele Kalikimaka

Dear No One in Particular,

Merry Christmas*, one and all! I hope you're enjoying the holiday season, and nothing but love to you and yours.

Well, I'm finally back in California and am freezing my booty off. Yes, I know that there are parts of the country blanketed in snow, but it's damn cold for someone who lives in a tropical climate! Which leads me to why I'm posting on Christmas night. I should be spending time with my family, roasting chestnuts and singing carols or some Hallmark nonsense. Well, my parents arrived about 2 days ago from their vacation in the Philippines (can you tell we don't like to be cold?) and they're jetlagged out of their minds. They're both passed out on the couch right now, snoring up some very festive harmonies. I'm stuck in the dining room listening to them because I, uh, blew a fuse that blacked out half the house. In my quest to warm up my icebox/bedroom, I plugged in two space heaters and set them to "Death Valley in July". This, coupled with the TV, clocks, cellphone charger and laptop is probably what did the fuse in. Fun part is, no one can get to the fuse box; it's in the garage, which is in the half of the house that lost power. So, no lights until the morning.

Quick change of subject: not that I'm one to brag about my presents, or anything, but my mother, in her infinite wisdom gave me a Kindle for Christmas! I've been on the fence about the Kindle and it's electronic book reader bretheren for a while now: I really like the tactile pleasure of books: the way they smell, the feel of turning pages, the glossy covers. Also, I read so often that I rarely purchase books; I'm a frequent visitor to my local libraries, and harbour dreams of one day being a librarian myself. But, like I said, I read a lot. I'm rarely without a book, which really weighs down my purse and puts limits on which books I can tote around. The Kindle really frees up space in my bag and is light enough to be a non-issue, so I'm psyched out of my mind. I just purchased a couple of books, so a real, in-depth review will be up shortly.
First impressions: it's quick and light, which is great, but the layout of the page-buttons is maddeningly terrible.

So, I hope your holidays were bright and merry and full of food and love, blogosphere. If you're somewhat lonely and have a spare moment, come share a story with me!

--amanda


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*Also: Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and/or whatever holiday you happen to celebrate.

Connect!

Dear No One in Particular,

You may have noticed that I've added that uber-stalking tool, Twitter. I have no real reason, per se, to add yet another technical widget to my life, yet I did.

The appeal of Twitter, to me, is the fact that I can update with my beloved Crackberry. I love the idea of people answering the simple prompt "what are you doing?" and updating as the day goes along. So because I live for convenience, I'll be doing my obnoxious "daily life" posts via Twitter, and using the blog for longer, hopefully more thoughtful essays.

Here goes.

--amanda

Rrrrrrroomba! (parte dos)

This just in: the Roomba is AMAZING.

It's currently cleaning ... um, the entire apartment. I keep expecting it to quit, shouting "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. I'm a robot-vacuum, not a miracle-worker!" as it roombas its way out the door, leaving us in our dusty filth.

It's pretty damn hilarious, though, watching the Roomba explore and bump around the place. It misses huge chunks of a room (hello, living room!), but I learned that if I confine it to a single area, it cleans like nobody's business. My bathroom has never been cleaner.

Also, like I mentioned, my birthday is coming up, so if any silent reader out there in the vast blogosphere feels seriously altruistic, this would make a pretty sweet gift.

--amanda

Rrrrrroomba!

Dear No One in Particular,

The Boy and my birthdays are coming up, and the Boy's parents sent us our present early -- a Roomba! I can't tell you how long we've wanted one; we were just talking about how once we finally get some decent paying-jobs, we would blow some cash on a Roomba. We both stared at the box for a good minute before we said anything. When we did speak, it was high-pitched squeals and "Holy crap!" over and over again.

I'm hella excited about this ridiculous piece of technology. Most vacuum cleaners are too big and bulky for me to handle effectively, and I've been worried about the respiratory diseases the Boy will contract from having to hoover up the dried bird crap on our lanai, so the robot-vacuum is seriously a godsend. Really -- I'm ridiculously pumped about it.

Also: Real Simple magazine is pretty great. I read pretty voraciously, but there's something about magazines that thrills and annoys me. Magazines are like the sitcoms of the literary world: short, punchy, and flashy. They're easily consumed in an hour, and any substance can be filed away for future use. Of course, a lot of magazines can be total crap: really selling the reader short by cutting out substance and condescending to them.
"Real Simple", on the other hand, is substantial without being overly literary, beautifully photographed, and has lots of fun, helpful material. Plus, their stories are applicable to the everyperson's life -- a major beef I have with the Martha Stewart franchise is that no one with any sort of a life has the time, money, or energy for her projects.
If you get a chance, unspoken reader, pick up their special Travel issue -- it's amazing.

--amanda