I know we've had some issues in the past, and I haven't treated you as well as I should have. So today, in honour of National Love Your Body day, I'd like to apologise for all the cruel things I've done over the years.
I'm sorry for all the Chinatown haircuts, and that it took me so long to actually get a real, flattering hairstyle.
I'm also sorry for getting bangs in the 5th grade. That was a really bad idea.
I'm sorry for all the In-N-Out burgers and Jack in the Box fried mac-n-cheese bites. (But they were totally worth it, amirite? Fuggedaboudit!)
I'm sorry for all the times I ate a Cliff bar and called it a meal.
I'm sorry for the days when I just ate a cup of pasta, but spent hours at the gym, burning calories I didn't have to spare.
I'm sorry for forcing you to drop 3 dress sizes in a month -- you looked bangin', but you felt shitty. I'm sorry for making you feel shitty.
I genuinely apologise for all the yo-yo diets. I want to eat healthy, for once.
I'm sorry for not having my wisdom teeth extracted yet. I promise I'm going to take care of that this winter.
I'm sorry for moving to Hawaii, and for staying here. I know you're unhappy here -- I have the skin issues to prove it. We're going back to calmer climes soon!
I'm sorry for not sticking with the physical therapy.
For that matter, I'm sorry for causing all the back problems. I don't remember what I did to cause them, but I'm sorry all the same.
I'm sorry for wearing flip-flops for so long, and I'm sorry I haven't put insoles in my shoes to correct the damage.
I'm sorry for not wearing my glasses.
I'm sorry for that pedicure -- you know the one where the woman slashed open the top of my big toe? Yeah, that one.
I'm sorry for carrying around gigantic purses loaded down with tons of books and crap. I'm also sorry to tell you that it's not going to stop any time soon. What can I say? I have a lot of junk, and it needs to get hauled around.
I'm sorry I don't like vegetables, and that I keep forgetting to take my vitamins.
I'm sorry for all the times I stuffed my size-10 hips into a size-7 skirt.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get a decent bra.
I'm sorry for cutting, for pinching, for scratching, for twisting the skin off my hands and arms. And I'm truly sorry for not getting help sooner.
I'm sorry for not telling you "you are beautiful" every single day.
We are beautiful.
Love with all my heart,