Dear No One in Particular,
Do you know what it feels like to be stalked by a small reptile? I do.
I was catnapping on the couch, when I felt something crawling along my arm. I twitched, thinking that it was a fruit fly, or some other small insect that we're plagued with here. It didn't leave my arm, so I brushed off my elbow, hoping to scare it off. What should fall off but a small lizard? Let me repeat that: a small lizard. Crawling along my arm. What the fuck, Hawaii.
I jumped up, screaming. The Boy combed through the couch, continually asking me if I was sure it wasn't a mosquito or something. Eventually, I sat back down, and continued to watch Anthony Bourdain's show. I look over at the Boy, who is sitting next to me, and crawling along his lap is the small demon lizard. I scream and point again, and the Boy jumps up to capture him in one of our drinking glasses. He kept trying to convince me that it was cute (I kept trying to convince him to KILL IT), but eventually let it free on our lanai.
I really, really want to move back to California now, pleaseandthankyou.